The Choices We Make
by Breath-of-twilight
Summary: Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later on, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of TLWLW
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

This is the first chapter of Edward's pov for The Lies we Live With.

I won't be updating this as often as u might like, at least until I am finished with TLWLW, but I wanted to get the first chapter up so y'all could get it on alert, and also lemme know if this is something you want or not. So do that, k, lemme know if I should spend time writing the fic out in his pov.

Thanks.

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**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**TCWM**

**~1~**

**1995**

Two more months and he'd finally get the hell away from Forks, away from his father, and his mother, too. Edward kept that thought on repeat as he tried vainly to drown out his father's incessant degrading.

Not of him, though.

Never him.

Edward could do no wrong in the eyes of his parents.

He could, however, make lust-driven choices.

Choices that would forever ruin his bright future.

Or, at least that it was his father said.

But they weren't really choices.

No, it was _a_ choice.

Just one.

Her.

Bella.

The most perfect girl ever.

And she was his.

Had been for years now, and Edward had every intention of keeping it that way, to one day marry her, have children with her...

Maybe two or three with his green eyes and her brown curls.

He dreamed of that every night, and lost himself in those possibilities at least four times a week as his parents reiterated their beliefs.

That Bella Swan was nothing but a leach, a low life leach who wanted him for his money, for his popularity, for his name.

But his parents had never been so wrong.

They were in love.

They were going to be together, even though Bella was staying in Forks while he would be hundreds of miles away.

It would work.

She'd never betray him.

Or cheat on him.

Or...

"Are you even listening to me, Edward?"

Edward shook his head and put on his game face. If he wanted his father to shut the hell up, he'd have to play along with his game.

"Sorry. I spaced out there for a moment. I have so much on my mind with graduation and all. What was it you were saying, Dad?"

"Good, at least your head is in the right place. And, I was saying I'm pretty sure I saw that Swan girl down near La Push with some guy. I didn't realize you had finally listened to me and dropped her. I'm proud of you, son."

Edward was lost in his own head, the fake smile still plastered on his face, as his father stepped forward and gave him a one-armed hug while patting him on the back before leaving.

No, Bella wouldn't do that.

He knew her.

He loved her.

Trusted her.

His dad was just trying to fill him with doubt.

Right?

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**A/N**

**Someone wanna join me in slapping his dad around a bit?**

**I'd love to hear what you are thinking in a review.**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~2~**

Fuck, she's so tight. So warm and so tight.

Still.

He could never get enough of her.

Of the way she felt wrapped tightly around him.

Of her smell, all musky and wet, and girl.

Of the way her eyes darkened and slanted into slits just moments before they would widen, so wide, and her mouth would form that telltale O. So sexy, and it was always the kicker. The last push before her walls would flutter and clamp and pull every last drop he had from him.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so damn good around me."

He dropped kiss after kiss on her face as he slowed his rhythm down, thrusting slower, deeper, revelling in the pull and tug her walls provided his cock with, until his arms gave out and he allowed himself to lower his weight atop of her.

_How in the hell am I ever going to survive without her_? he thought as he twirled his finger around a thick strand of her hair, unable to lift his head and look at her for fear she would see the dampness in his eyes.

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**A/N**

**I really think ur gonna love this Edward, even though you hate him in the original posting of TLWLW...I know I do :-)**

**Review?**

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	3. Chapter 3

**:::peeks out around corner, sees no one:::**

** Well damn, seems I lost y'all, and with good reason, too. I'd get tired of waiting, as well. Sorry. That's all I got. **

**:::Ducks back around corner and sulks at her computer desk:::**

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**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~3~**

The days passed too fucking quickly for his liking.

He wanted nothing more than for her to go with him. It was killing him knowing that their time together was coming to an end.

But he had been accepted to a school he just couldn't turn down. It was his lifelong dream, not to mention hundreds of miles away from his parents.

Edward loved Bella, and he knew he'd never betray her. Miles apart wouldn't change that.

So, really, a few months apart at a time wouldn't be so bad, right? She was his forever, after all.

She'd stay, take care of her dad, go through nursing school; and when she was done, she'd come to him. He just knew it.

Maybe she could bring her dad along. A little change of scenery just might do the old man good.

Edward lolled his head sideways and stared at Bella curled up in his arms.

He would never get enough of her beauty, ever. It was subtle and fresh, and his hands fit perfectly into her curves; and, fuck, now all he could think about was how amazing the rest of her body looked, without clothes, of course.

Edward groaned, causing Bella to stir and look up at him.

Her usually bright eyes were dimming, almost sad. It pained him to know he was hurting her by going, but he couldn't just not go to school. He didn't want to grow to resent Bella one day for making him chose, holding him back, and throwing away a huge part of his future.

He knew she wouldn't want that either.

"We better get going, baby, or we're going to be late."

Edward almost asked her to stay, not to bother going to the final summer bash. But it would be the last time they saw their friends together in one place. It would be the last time Bella saw her friends before they all up and left her in this shitty-ass town. He couldn't do that to her.

Gently, he pulled his arm out from under her and manoeuvred himself off of the couch.

As he slipped on his shoes, he smiled up at Bella as she joined him in the doorway.

"Ready, babe?"

She smiled, and of course that caused him to smile right back.

"Yeah, let's go."

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** AN: **

**I won't even ask :-(**

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	4. Chapter 4

**I'm smiling. Like all out goofy smiling. The few of you that have sticked around. Ya, i effing love you guys, hard.**

**So thanks for sticking with me, and for some, being my own personal cheerleaders. You are the ones that push me to continue, even when RL has me all bent out of shape.**

**Longer than normal chapter, 'cause I feel like spoiling my girls.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~4~**

Bella was with her girls, so Edward wandered over to some of the boys.

They were all laughing and joking around, and ya, he felt a little resentful that he wasn't, too.

It was hard to be anything Bella wasn't, and when she was upset so was he.

And from the look on her face as she stood stock-still as Alice yammered away at her, she wasn't having as good of a time as he thought she would.

Edward gulped back his beer and opened another, and then another, every so often sneaking a glance over at Bella.

By his third or maybe fourth beer, Bella was no longer standing with Alice.

He quickly glanced around for her and immediately found her slight form hunched over the table where the drinks were. Her hips were swaying.

God she had a nice ass.

Edward briefly considered grabbing her by said ass and hauling her back to his place to have his wicked way with her.

He almost did, but then Eric started talking animatedly about med schools and hot fresh tail, and he got a little sidetracked.

Plus, with the way she was wiggling her lips and sipping on her drink, it looked like she was having plenty of fun now anyways.

For just a moment, Edward felt a pang of insecurity.

Not once had Bella approached him since they arrived here well over two hours ago.

She'd been busy with her friends, switching moods from smiling to sullen.

It was almost enough to give Edward whiplash.

He had initially chalked it up to the reason for this final bash, everyone going their separate ways, but what if...

Maybe...

His dad's word's sloshed around in his head, playing over and over again, drowning out Eric and the other guys.

"... sure I saw that Swan girl down near La Push with some guy. I didn't realize you had finally listened to me and dropped her. I'm proud of you, son..."

"She's a hussy, and she's only after your money. Every girl wants security, Edward, and your looks just sweeten the deal for her. Don't let her fool you."

"... I saw that Swan girl down near La Push with some guy. I didn't realize you had finally listened to me and dropped her. I'm proud of you, son..."

"She doesn't fit with your future, Edward. Girls like her belong in places like Forks. Not you, though, you're destined for big things. She'll only hold you back."

"...Swan girl down near La Push with some guy..."

"Did you see the way she blatantly flirted with him right in front of you? If that is how she acts when you're still in town, it will only be a matter of time before she's bedding any remaining men her age once you're gone."

His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared at the thought of another dude touching his Bella.

He shook my head, trying to calm myself.

She wouldn't do that, cheat that is.

His dad was just full of shit, trying to get a rouse out of him.

Right?

"Dude, you okay over there?"

He rubbed his forehead, and then combed his hand through his hair.

He really needed to stop letting his dad get to him so much.

"Yeah, I just need another drink, man."

Drink after drink, Edward lost himself in a deep haziness the alcohol provided him, momentarily forgetting about his dad, and Bella.

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** AN: **

**Thoughts on poor Edward's mind fuckery?**

**For those who asked for a time frame- this chapter skips over chapter 5 - 8, where Bella is off wandering around, meeting James.**

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	5. Chapter 5

**This covers chapter 9 of The Lies we Live With**

**And it's got bite to it, just saying.**

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**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~5~**

"Dude, look at that?"

Huh!

Edward turned and looked in the direction Eric was pointing.

His eyes squinted at the two figures standing near the water, but he still couldn't make them out.

Apparently, the more you drank the less you could see.

He couldn't make out a damn thing.

Fuck, he really just wanted another beer.

"I don't..."

"Shit!" someone gasped, and the tone made Edward's head spin back around to take a better look at what everyone was staring at.

"What the fuck is everyone looking at?" Edward slurred.

Slowly, his eyes zeroed in a bit and he was able to make out two people, one tall, one short, and it looked like they were making out.

That's what everyone was watching.

S'not like it didn't happen all the fucking time.

Big deal.

Edward was just about to say as much, too, but something someone over the right of him said caught his attention damn fast.

"Man, that's Masen's girlfriend with some old dude over there."

Bella?

"What the fuck?"

Edward stumbled forward, needing to see what everyone was seeing.

That couldn't be his Bella over there. It just couldn't.

As he lunged forward, he felt his friends grab at him; he didn't bother shaking them off, but still he moved on, closer, closer.

Fuck!

What the hell did she think she was doing?

As his head flooded with his dad's words, repeating over and over again as if from a skipping record, he broke free from the hands that tried to hold him back and he fucking floored it. Rage consuming him and alcohol fueling his actions.

He didn't say a word, not at first, just threw his fist awkwardly at the mother fucker's face.

As the fucker dropped to the ground, Edward turned and found Bella, sitting on the ground and staring up at him. Her eyes were half closed, tears streaming down her cheeks, but he didn't give a flying fuck about her right now.

She had cheated on him.

She did this.

"I...I...it wasn't what it looked like."

He heard her, and of course she'd say that. Isn't that what every cheating bitch said once they were busted?

He didn't get a chance to respond, however, 'cause that dude was bigger than Edward originally thought, and heavy as hell, too.

Edward got in a few more punches, but so did that mother-fucker, too. Edward could already feel his left cheek swelling up, blistering hot with a sting of thumping pain.

Before Edward knew it, someone was hauling him off of the jackass on the ground and he was stumbling backwards, tripping over his own feet for a moment before he shook off, who he now knew was, Ben.

He watched, incredulous and hurt, as Bella bolted for that asshole instead of him, apologizing and crying.

He shook his head, trying to calm himself and glared at her as her fucking boy toy walked away.

Words he had heard in his head so many time fell from his lips without even trying to form them, they had been planted there long ago by his father.

"I should have listened to my parents, should have known better."

He didn't wait around to watch Bella chase after that fucking tool. He just left.

He was done, and as soon as fucking possible, he was going to leave this hell-hole of a town and try to forget he ever even knew a Bella Swan.

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** AN: **

**:::clears throat:::**

**How's everyone feeling now?**

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	6. Chapter 6

**We are now covering Edward's time while him and B were apart. All chapters during this time will have no bearing on the chapters in TLWLW. Well, at least not until E comes back, right?**

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**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~6~**

Edward's parents didn't put up a fuss when he asked to leave early. In fact, they were all too happy to see him go, without Bella.

He didn't tell them what went down, but in his drunken rage, he did make it clear that he was done with the town of Forks and all of the trash that lived in it.

With a throbbing head and a bottle of Advil, Edward boarded the plane that would take him away from it all. He briefly considered calling Bella. It felt wrong to just leave, but really what would he say to her? You've broken me; I hate you?

That's probably what he would say, but he wouldn't mean half of it. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't hate her; he still loved her, even after last night, after her betrayal.

No, calling her would do nothing but rip off the barely sticky band aid he had slapped over his heart in a vain attempt at protecting it from the radiating pain and loss that seemed to follow him around like a shadow ever since he walked away from her.

Instead, he pushed it all back, all the hurt, all the anger, all of his fears and confusion, and did what he had to do.

He tried to forget.

He tried to be the man his parents wanted and expected him to be.

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** AN: **

**:::clears throat:::**

**How's everyone feeling now?**

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	7. Chapter 7

**We are now covering Edward's time while him and B were apart. All chapters during this time will have no bearing on the chapters in TLWLW. Well, at least not until E comes back, right?**

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**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~7~**

Massachusetts wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Or maybe it was Edward who had let himself down. He wasn't sure. But as September turned to October and leaves began to change color, falling to the cool earth and making displays on the ground of bright orange and dark reds, mixed with fading yellows and dying browns, Edward finally crumbled. After one too many drinks, that he drank alone in the dark, he dialed her number.

He wasn't sure what he would say, but knew he had to hear her voice, even if it was just for a moment before she hung up on him. Momentarily, he felt anger surge through him; what if her new douchey boyfriend picked up the phone? What would he say then?

Nothing. He'd hang up.

'Cause really, what could he say? Bella had made her choice that night, and her choice had not been him.

When the computerized droning voice answered, it took Edward a moment of fuzzy confusion to understand what the operated voice was saying.

The number was no longer in service. Bella had changed her number.

He sat at his desk, his shoulders hunched and tears falling freely from his eyes, and since he had no way to contact her, he wrote.

He put paper to pen, deciding against using his computer. This had to be personal; it was personal, and therefore it deserved to be written by his hand. All his anger and hurt, his disappointment and loneliness poured onto page after page. He screamed when he tried and failed to express how hurt he was by Bella's actions, scribbling out line after line of all the wrong words, all words that didn't even come close to expressing how he truly felt. And when his words failed him, he drank some more, until he toppled over at his desk, snoring loudly and drooling all over his arm.

-OooooO-

Edward continued going to class when expected, barely managing to function on a normal level as the teachers lectured and taught something he was once so passionate about, that now held little to no interest for him.

His grades were slipping, and he knew he was at risk of being bumped from his lifelong dream, but really what was a dream without...

He couldn't handle that thought, or many thoughts at all, if he were being honest with himself, which wasn't all that often.

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** AN: **

**:::clears throat:::**

**How's everyone feeling now?**

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	8. Chapter 8

**We are now covering Edward's time while him and B were apart. All chapters during this time will have no bearing on the chapters in TLWLW. Well, at least not until E comes back, right?**

**Please see note at the bottom.**

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**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~8~**

Emmett showed up at Edward's door just before Christmas.

"What are you doing here?" he slurred, rolling his eyes when his brother gave him that look.

It was a weekend. He was allowed a drink of two on the weekend.

"Maybe so, Edward, but something tells me you've had a lot more than just a couple drinks."

Huh?

"I didn't say anything." Edward snapped, turning away from his brother.

"Yeah, you're that drunk apparently your filter is taking an extended vacation from the ever present numbness that comes with drinking oneself into a stupor."

Edward plopped down on the chair in front of his computer, picked up the half empty bottle and brought it to his lips.

As the cool liquid scorched its way down his throat, he let his eyes close and smiled against the lip of the bottle as a perfect vision of Bella surfaced behind his eyelids. She was smiling, not crying. She was hugging him, not making out with some other guy. She was his, and he was hers, and…

The bottle being ripped from his hands and the sound of smashing glass pulled Edward back to reality. Emmett was still there. Bella was not. And Edward was still a drunken mess of a man who wanted nothing more than to live in the past.

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** AN: **

**PLease read -**

** I feel absolutely horrible that y'all have waited this long for this. Not sure if it was worth it or not, but I can understand any dissapointment or frustration you may have with this story and/or me. Real life has been shit, not gonna lie. If you have me on FB, you prolly already know this. Ex and court, husband...yeah, those two like to fuck with me, it seems.**

** I have been debating on wether or not I should just pull a cpl fics and begin re-posting them when I can start a more regular posting schedule. As of right now, I can say I should be able to update at least two to three tims a week, but come next week or next month, I just don't know day from day, or week from week.**

**Please let me know your thoughts on this. I don't want to disappoint anyone anymore than I may have already.**

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	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for all your kind words. I tried to respond to each and every review this time around- I'm sure I got most:-S**

**And...because you all supported me and urged me not to pull or give up, I bring you another chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~9~**

After hours of being chewed out by Emmett, followed closely by expelling his stomachs contents all over his own bed, then tapered off with a wave of remorse and guilt, Edward finally broke down.

In his brother's arms, he sobbed like a child. He spluttered and wailed out words and explanations and apologies and regrets.

The experience, no matter how late or how odd, was cathartic, and by the time he calmed down and was only gasping because of rampant hiccups, he felt pounds lighter.

His chest still laden with a weight of loss he wasn't sure he would ever be free of, but his soul, and his mind felt buoyant, like his insides were floating, instead of slamming into his chest constantly.

He may have walked away from Bella, and maybe he should have tried to forgive her. Maybe the kiss was nothing but a drunken slip. Maybe.

Maybe they could have worked things out.

Maybe he had been overly dramatic, reckless from alcohol and fueled by words he never should have considered.

Maybe.

There was only one way to know.

Emmett stayed by Edward's side as he hastily scribbled out a letter to Bella. He didn't want to lose his nerve. He just wanted to finally get his thoughts on paper. He needed to make sure he sent this one to her.

Twenty minutes later, he set his pen down. He sighed heavily as Emmett's monstrous hand snatched the letter up the second his pen hit the desk.

"Give me an envelope."

There was no point in arguing. This needed to be done. No matter how afraid he was of her responding and telling him to go fuck his self, he had to at least try.

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** AN: **

**The countdown to Christmas' intro chap will post soon. Keep your eyes peeled for this. We have an amazing line-up of authors just itching to share some smexy holiday lovin' with y'all.**

**I would love to hear from you in a review.**

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	10. Chapter 10

**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~10~**

Days passed, and Emmett went back home.

Bella never replied, not via mail or phone, not even a clipped email was received.

Edward didn't go back to drinking, however, but he did find an equally pleasing replacement for the emptiness inside of him, one that was harmful in a much different way than booze.

Girls.

He had never realized just how many girls were on campus, but when he opened his eyes and tried to see something other than Bella for once, he sure noticed.

There were tall girls, short girls, skinny ones, voluptuous ones, shy and mousy ones, bold and vivacious ones.

And the one thing they all had in common was….

They all wanted a chance to get into his pants.

And where he wouldn't call himself a whore, he did enter many girls dorm rooms, and he did pant and hiss and let his pain explode from his body in hot spurts as images of Bella, sweaty and grinding into him danced in front of his glazed over eyes, eyes that couldn't bear to look down at the girl of the moment and realize, she looked nothing like Bella, at all.

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**In case I am fail at updating, Happy Holidays. I love you all, truly. My online friends- you- are some of the best and most supportive in my life. You are my rocks.**

**xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~11~**

Edward didn't go home for Christmas.

Not that he even knew where home was anymore. His parents had up and moved from Forks barely days after Edward took off for school.

He hadn't visited them or the new 'home' not even once.

He had a hard time connecting with his parents even as a child. They were distant and always wanting something besides what he wanted for him.

He could remember clearly watching his friends parents interact with them and wishing with all his might that one day his parents would be the same way.

One day, they would hold him and kiss him on the forehead.

One day, they would say they were proud of him and _his _choices.

One day, they would be a real, warm family.

That day never came.

And after everything they had said and done, and not done over the years, Edward was finally free of that prison.

He wasn't going to willingly walk back into that life.

He had his own path to carve now, his own decisions to make.

But, like the coward he was, he didn't tell them any of that. Instead, he told them he had a huge test to study for and mailed them the kind of gifts that would put those fake smiles on their faces.

He spent Christmas in his room, scrolling through picture after picture of Bella and him over the years; smiling at the ones from their geeky awkward days, crying at the ones of them holding each other, smiling into each other's eyes, lips barely touching, ghosting against moistened flesh.

He stayed in that room, not another woman in sight, not during this time.

Christmases together had been Bella's favorite. He couldn't taint those memories with cheap perfume and a faceless pussy.

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**In case I am fail at updating, Happy Holidays. I love you all, truly. My online friends- you- are some of the best and most supportive in my life. You are my rocks.**

**xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

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**TCWM**

**~12~**

"Fuck yeah, baby. I can feel you coming." Edward grunted as long, hot spurts pulsated from his dick that was currently buried to the hilt in some faceless brunette. She was close, so close.

Long chestnut hair.

Slender build.

Curvaceous hips.

Round, perky ass.

She had the body.

Just not the face.

That is why he was currently behind her, hips swiveling, one hand on her hip, the other tangled in her hair.

This way he couldn't see her face.

Only hear her soft moans, and those he could tune out.

Pretend.

Always pretending.

And it worked, for an agonizingly heart pounding hour or so, she would be her.

And he would feel complete.

…Lost in his head, living vicariously through his memories and some woman's body.

It never lasted though….

"Lover, that was so good." Edward cringed at her harsh voice, it was wrong, all wrong, then shook his head to clear the hazed delusions from his mind.

"Fuck… I'm sorry. I gotta go. Umm, studying and shit."

He pulled out of her and pulled up his jeans that he hadn't even bothered to fully take off.

With a wave of his hand, he was out the door.

By the time he reached the front yard, he had to stop and allow his stomach to expel its disgust with his behaviour in painful heaves all over the crisp, white snow.

* * *

**Here's to making better choices, being a stronger woman, and appreciating amazing friends in the year 2013**

**xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

* * *

**TCWM**

**~13~**

"Don't look at me like that, for fuck sake's, Em. This is none of your business."

Emmett stood, easily towering over Edward, and glared down at him.

"Like hell it isn't. I have to watch my only brother act like a zombie, doing nothing but study and bang everything in sight. Do you know how hard that is for me? Especially knowing what you once were, how happy you could be. Maybe you should try calling her aga…"

That was it; Edward's breaking point. He was sick and tired of hearing about Bella.

He may keep her in his head and heart at all times, but to actually vocalize her name or his memories of her was completely off limits, and Emmett knew it.

"Just stop. If you're so sick of me and my behaviour, stop coming to see me. Fuck, while you're at it, stop calling me, too." The more Edward ranted, the more he realized what he was saying was exactly what he needed. He needed time, alone, without the constant hovering of Emmett, or Rose, and definitely of his parents. Who had recently taken to calling every single day in hopes that one of these times he'd say yes to coming home.

It hadn't happened during Christmas break, nor spring break. He didn't know why they just couldn't accept that that shit just wasn't happening.

_Maybe because you haven't told them why?_

Yeah, that was probably it. But for once he was being selfish, not thinking of his parents or anyone else.

Med school was insanely expensive. He wasn't stupid, and he knew that if he blew up at his parents there was a very real possibility they would stop paying for his tuition.

And there was no way in hell he was going to let that happen. They'd made him miserable long enough.

They owed him at least this.

"You don't mean that, Ed…"

Edward signed and held up his hand, his head hanging as he chose his words carefully.

"Yes, yes I do, Em. You know I love you, man. You're my family. My only family, as far as I am concerned, but…I just need some time to get my shit together, without the constant reminder of what I've lost, of what I left behind. Can…can you do that for me? I promise I'll call once I get my head on straight. I ….I think I'm going to do some travelling during the summer. Just give me that, will you?"

Emmett groaned. He could see his brother's point. It hurt him to be excluded from his life, but he could see the dive Edward was taking in his life. His empty, flat eyes spoke clearer than Edward ever had, and Emmett could read that pain and sense of uselessness clearly. He had no choice but to give his brother what he asked. All he could do now was pray that while he was away, he figured himself out, and when he came back, maybe he could work on being the guy Emmett and grown up with.

"Alright, Eddie. I'm going to miss you, bro."

* * *

**Here's to making better choices, being a stronger woman, and appreciating amazing friends in the year 2013**

**xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary:**

**Throughout one's life a zillion choices are made, ones that are trivial, ones that are huge, ones that can be changed later one, and ones that will irrevocably change the course of direction our lives take from that moment on. Those are the choices we make, and this story is all about one choice, one moment, that changed my life forever. That was all it took. EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

**The Choices We Make – EPOV of The Lies We Live With**

* * *

**TCWM**

**~14~**

The town of Forks hadn't changed one bit in the nine months Edward had been gone, and he couldn't help but frown as he walked down the pathetic main strip of Forks, even as he waved at familiar faces, who all waved back with friendly smiles.

That is until he reached the hair salon. Out front of it sat three elderly women. He recognized them all and gave the customary wave and smile; but instead of them waving or smiling back, they each raised their precision stenciled eyebrows and huddled together, whispering and pointing at him. That simple act left him confused and feeling slightly self conscious. What could they be talking about? He was about to ask, but a high-pitched cackle in his direction left him feeling all sorts of embarrassed, and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why.

He picked up his pace and pushed himself to go forward, not look back, and almost ran smack into poor, old Mr. Whalen.

"Careful there, boy. My legs aren't as strong as they once were. You're likely to knock me on my rump with just a slight jostle. Wouldn't want an old man breaking wind on the street, now would ya?" His infectious chuckle left Edward smiling, his earlier feeling of discontentment completely forgotten as he smiled at the old man who once was the friendly town barber.

Edward had always liked him, too. He was firm in his beliefs, but didn't try to push those beliefs on anyone else. He always smiled and had kind words to speak about pretty much everyone.

He was genuinely one of those nice people, and those, Edward had learned, were a hard find in this day and age.

"No, no we wouldn't want that. Sorry about that. I should pay better attention to where I am going."

Mr. Whalen just waved him off with the flip of his hand. "No worries. Now where were you going in such a rush? I thought you'd gotten out of this town. I didn't expect to see you back here so soon, I must admit."

Edward thread his fingers through his hair and tugged in agitation as the reason for this visit jumped to the forefront of his mind.

He was nervous. Hell, he was scared shitless, but after travelling to Canada and spending his summer with nameless, faceless Canadian women in hopes of feeling something more, and of course feeling nothing at all besides the quick shot of pleasure that came with expelling a spurt or two, sometimes three, of adrenaline from his dick, he knew he had to try one last time to reach out to Bella.

"I'm…I'm here to see Bella Swan, actually. She doesn't know I'm coming…I'm here. It's…it's kind of a surprise," Edward rambled, shifting from foot to foot, feeling like he had said something wrong, as he watched the old man's eyes widen and shape into a strange, but fleeting look.

"I see. Well, I'd reckon this was a surprise visit considering Miss Swan doesn't live here anymore. No, no, no. She moved away shortly after her father passed away. Hasn't been back since, s'far as I know."

Five minutes later, Edward walked numbly towards Bella's old house. It looked nothing like he remembered. He dropped to his knees, deep, wracking sobs overcoming him as he stared up at the window that was once hers and wondered just where she could be.

Her father had died. They knew it would happen sooner or later, but had always thought it would be much later. And she had been alone, too.

Guilt slammed through him, crashing like a tidal wave directly into an ultimate sense of loss. The combination left him breathless, his chest heaving and his heart thundering inside of it.

Bella truly was gone, and now he had absolutely no way to find her.

* * *

**Remember that New Year's resolution I mentioned? I've already failed at it. I don't understand why it is so hard.**

**I hope you are all happy and smiling and cheerished. You deserve it.**

**xx**


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